DEAR SOCIETY.. MY BODY DOES NOT NEED YOUR APPROVAL: HOW TO DEAL WITH BODY SHAMERS.

Lifestyle

You’re fat.  You really need to lose some weight. You look so big. What have you been eating. Your (stomach, arms, face, legs) is so fat. You are losing shape. These are a few of the words we hear constantly from body shamers. So yes, my arms are bigger and my cheeks chubbier, so what? Why you have to rub it in my face as if i have comitted a crime by adding “weight”

This body. This body of mine tells a story, a long sad story, it doesn’t move with ease, but it’s motion is ever forward and graceful, this body is blemished, with scars and lines, wrinkles and pock marks, this body is yet to see childbirth but has got more than its fair share of strech marks and cellulite. This body has been sexually violated and physically Assualted, this body has also been loved, caressed and worshipped. This body has been injured, has been prodded by doctors, this body may have a few stitches, but it is a healthy body, it keeps me going, i push and i push and it doesn’t break down.

I use to hate this body, looking in the mirror and thinking, how unattractive i must be, with the extra pounds of flesh and the acne covered face, the feeling of insecurity to get intimate with anyone, to let anyone see me, cause i hated this body, surely they would hate it too. This body is not in anyway meeting up to the standards of today’s feminine beauty, internet perfection, there is no flawless skin or cinched waist, there is no pinched nose or slender legs.

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But this body is not unattractive either, just cause It is not of the standards society has set for me. This body is strong. This body is not perfect, but it’s my body and finally i have learned to love it. This body is not your body, so who are you to tell me not to love it, who gave you the right to have such an opinion. This body is not a pushover.  This body i trust. This body makes it’s own decisions, and i have to follow.

Fuck societal standards…

Check out my post on how to be happier Here.

I will not suffer because of narrow minds who themselves are not perfect but i am blind to.  I will not allow myself to be constantly scrutinized and criticized just cause my body does not meet up to set standards. Who even gave you the audacity to take a look at my body, and then go ahead and form an opinion about it.

Shame on you.

Dear imperfect you. You may not love all that you are right now, but my dear, you should, you will come to. If only you knew how beautiful you are with your imperfections, you would love yourself like no other. While you are trying to learn to love yourself, do not give other people the chance to pull down, so the next time you are faced with someone who tries to body shame you, this is how to deal with them.

  • Get angry: Yes, this is your body and you are allowed to get shamelessly angry. Society has this dangerous attitude that dictates how we are supposed to react to conflict, how we are supposed to act when people try to pull us down. We should lower our heads and politely disagree or quickly change the subject. But this right here, this is what keeps us oppressed. So next time someone tries to pull one on you, show your anger, vocalize it, so they may learn never to try it again. Someone might say, “oh you are taking it to personal ” You should, cause it is personal, it doesn’t get more personal than this.
  • Educate them: Your shamer may not know what he/she is doing, they might think they are been helpful, they might even be genuinely concerned about you, so you have the opportunity to make something positive come out of a negative situation. Educate them that they are not been helpful, tell them how you feel so they don’t try to shame another person, perhaps they would learn.
  • And if these still dont work? If you are constantly been made to feel bad and sorry for yourself and the person is not learning to behave positively, then it is time to remove yourself from interacting with people that posses such negative views and energy. If a relationship or friendship infuses more negativity than positivity in your life, then i think it’s safe to say, you are run as far far away as possible away from that person.
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Top: Topshop

Skirt: Misguided

Shoes: Zara

Turban: Instagram buy @turbantempest

Bag: Lagos island market

Glasses: Lagos island market

Let’s interact…

How do you deal with body shamers? What is the one thing about yourself that you are not entirely comfortable with?

26 Comments

  • Reply Sarah Enuwa Audu May 18, 2017 at 12:11 am

    Beautiful article here Salmah, I loved the part where you ask the question who are you to tell me how to feel about my body, smh at society. Tip one for me is the way, we get angry and defend our body but then I believe its important to be surrounded by a great support system, so I’m glad you pointed that out. Loving these colours on you by the way.

     Princess Audu 

    • Reply Salmah May 18, 2017 at 4:44 am

      Awww. thanks a lot sarah fr dropping by and reading. Yes, the best way always is to be surrounded by positive people That wont kill your vibe. Thanks.

  • Reply Faith May 16, 2017 at 7:36 pm

    I used to be ashamed of my fat and suffered inferiority complex because of body shamers.but with piece I have read tonight. I have decided to encourage myself, love myself and be courageous enough to carry myself with respect and self love

  • Reply Debs May 13, 2017 at 7:53 am

    I do agree with the ‘Get Angry’ point and if still doesn’t work, cut them off! Who needs such negativity in their life??

    I’ve been dealing with my tummy since I’ve known what fat is and it’s really a struggle for me. So when someone try to open their mouth to tell me how horrible it looks, ‘I’m always ready to shove it down their throat about how much I love it!’ After all it’s my tummy not theirs so who cares?‍♀️

    Thanks for sharing this??

    • Reply Salmah May 13, 2017 at 7:55 am

      Debbie, exactly! Who cares? Why should they care about something that doesn’t affect them directly or indirectly. Thank you for reading baby girl ☺

  • Reply Funmilayo May 12, 2017 at 8:37 pm

    I’ve had to be nasty too in responding to them.. I met a secondary school mate of mine after 29 years and the first thing she said was.. Aww.. Funmilayo, you are so fat.. ??Boi.. The airport security men burst out laughing ?.. I looked at her n said Taiye, from the fall of ur boobs I’m sure you ve had more than a dozen kids.. More than enough laughter from people around.. Felt so satisfied. Another lady.. Aunt, see ur Christian mother arms.. Don’t wear sleeve again.. See the short thing oo.. I told her to mind her bizness..

    • Reply Salmah May 12, 2017 at 9:06 pm

      Lol. Funmilayo. I like it. Never be scared to tell someone off. And if it takes you been nasty to get them to back off den so be it. Thqnk you so much for stopping by

    • Reply Salmah May 12, 2017 at 9:10 pm

      Lol. Funmilayo. I like it. Never be scared to tell someone off. And if it takes you been nasty to get them to back off den so be it. Thank you so much for stopping by

  • Reply Lily May 12, 2017 at 6:51 pm

    Preach girl. You got me at this post. I love the fact that all your blogposts are so insightful. Thank you for this.

    • Reply Salmah May 12, 2017 at 9:12 pm

      Thank you for stopping by

  • Reply folakemi May 12, 2017 at 3:19 pm

    HMMM Seriously those are the words that the body shamers say ,keep it up sis .Your words are inspiring

    • Reply Salmah May 12, 2017 at 9:12 pm

      Thanks for reading folakemi

  • Reply Abdulmalik May 12, 2017 at 1:58 pm

    I just tell them I hate to work out………for the record your body is OK

    • Reply Salmah May 12, 2017 at 9:13 pm

      Tnx abdulmalik. I enjoy having a guy come around

  • Reply Benita May 12, 2017 at 1:54 pm

    I used to be body shy because of body shamers but i’ve come to love my body. I look in the mirror and am like DAMN!!! how come i could not see al this for so long? So, I believe no matter what we should adore our body

    • Reply Salmah May 12, 2017 at 9:15 pm

      Yes Benita! I like you already. You are hot. We should all be like DAMN fire when we look at ourselves. We are all beautiful work of God. Thanks for coming dear

  • Reply Daniella May 12, 2017 at 1:46 pm

    I feel like this post is just for me because the only thing I hear these days is “you’re getting bigger, look at your cheeks, what are you eating, you need to loose some of this fat”…….bla bla bla. Thanks for sharing salmah. By the way, you and I are going to have a problem if the next post isn’t about how to tie this head wrap.

    • Reply Salmah May 12, 2017 at 1:50 pm

      Lol.. Danie oo. Okay. I promise. Headwrap next

  • Reply leemlar May 12, 2017 at 1:31 pm

    Your body is perfect. If they can’t see that means they are blind.

    • Reply Salmah May 12, 2017 at 1:44 pm

      Awww..my ? ? tnx bby girl

  • Reply aminatawa May 12, 2017 at 1:08 pm

    I like the get angry part… It’s none of their business what you look like as long as you are healthy.

    • Reply Salmah May 12, 2017 at 1:01 pm

      Yes amina.. The get angry is very viable, pple feel like you shouldn’t get angry when they say stuff, but we do not need to listen to bullys and still nod our heads politely. We are able and we will get angry

  • Reply Juliet May 12, 2017 at 12:14 pm

    Salmah, it was just like you had me in mind while writing this. I get fat shamed on a daily basis but you just thought me how to stand up to critics. Thank you. @__itzjukky on Instagram

    • Reply Salmah May 12, 2017 at 12:59 pm

      You are welcome. Am glad i could help

  • Reply Oreoluwa Obipehin May 12, 2017 at 12:09 pm

    Hi. So true. Wish I can stand up for myself like that. I have a slim body but a big stomach so its kinda obvious. So people are always talking. It’s annoying.

    • Reply Salmah May 12, 2017 at 12:59 pm

      Dear oreoluwa, that’s okay too. You bide your time. But never allow anyone to ride on you. Love yourself and people will have no choice but to love you.

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