You’re fat. You really need to lose some weight. You look so big. What have you been eating. Your (stomach, arms, face, legs) is so fat. You are losing shape. These are a few of the words we hear constantly from body shamers. So yes, my arms are bigger and my cheeks chubbier, so what? Why you have to rub it in my face as if i have comitted a crime by adding “weight”
This body. This body of mine tells a story, a long sad story, it doesn’t move with ease, but it’s motion is ever forward and graceful, this body is blemished, with scars and lines, wrinkles and pock marks, this body is yet to see childbirth but has got more than its fair share of strech marks and cellulite. This body has been sexually violated and physically Assualted, this body has also been loved, caressed and worshipped. This body has been injured, has been prodded by doctors, this body may have a few stitches, but it is a healthy body, it keeps me going, i push and i push and it doesn’t break down.
I use to hate this body, looking in the mirror and thinking, how unattractive i must be, with the extra pounds of flesh and the acne covered face, the feeling of insecurity to get intimate with anyone, to let anyone see me, cause i hated this body, surely they would hate it too. This body is not in anyway meeting up to the standards of today’s feminine beauty, internet perfection, there is no flawless skin or cinched waist, there is no pinched nose or slender legs.
But this body is not unattractive either, just cause It is not of the standards society has set for me. This body is strong. This body is not perfect, but it’s my body and finally i have learned to love it. This body is not your body, so who are you to tell me not to love it, who gave you the right to have such an opinion. This body is not a pushover. This body i trust. This body makes it’s own decisions, and i have to follow.
Fuck societal standards…
Check out my post on how to be happier Here.
I will not suffer because of narrow minds who themselves are not perfect but i am blind to. I will not allow myself to be constantly scrutinized and criticized just cause my body does not meet up to set standards. Who even gave you the audacity to take a look at my body, and then go ahead and form an opinion about it.
Shame on you.
Dear imperfect you. You may not love all that you are right now, but my dear, you should, you will come to. If only you knew how beautiful you are with your imperfections, you would love yourself like no other. While you are trying to learn to love yourself, do not give other people the chance to pull down, so the next time you are faced with someone who tries to body shame you, this is how to deal with them.
- Get angry: Yes, this is your body and you are allowed to get shamelessly angry. Society has this dangerous attitude that dictates how we are supposed to react to conflict, how we are supposed to act when people try to pull us down. We should lower our heads and politely disagree or quickly change the subject. But this right here, this is what keeps us oppressed. So next time someone tries to pull one on you, show your anger, vocalize it, so they may learn never to try it again. Someone might say, “oh you are taking it to personal ” You should, cause it is personal, it doesn’t get more personal than this.
- Educate them: Your shamer may not know what he/she is doing, they might think they are been helpful, they might even be genuinely concerned about you, so you have the opportunity to make something positive come out of a negative situation. Educate them that they are not been helpful, tell them how you feel so they don’t try to shame another person, perhaps they would learn.
- And if these still don‘t work? If you are constantly been made to feel bad and sorry for yourself and the person is not learning to behave positively, then it is time to remove yourself from interacting with people that posses such negative views and energy. If a relationship or friendship infuses more negativity than positivity in your life, then i think it’s safe to say, you are run as far far away as possible away from that person.
Turban: Instagram buy @turbantempest
Bag: Lagos island market
Glasses: Lagos island market
How do you deal with body shamers? What is the one thing about yourself that you are not entirely comfortable with?