BEFORE YOU REKINDLE A FRIENDSHIP WITH YOUR EX..

Lifestyle

Alhamdullilah. Ramadan is gone and we can’t wait for next year. Now that am back from my self imposed holiday, we are ready to move on with impactful meaningful knowledge. So today i want us to talk about things to consider before you rekindle a friendship with your ex.

My ex started to chat me during this festive period, i knew he was missing me, and i was happy. Not happy because i wanted him back or happy that he was as miserable as he deserved without me. Just plain happy to be hearing from him. I missed him too. I missed his friendship, my ex was a fun guy, he lived an unabashedly wild life and told the most ridiculous stories. He always knew how to make me laugh or when i wasn’t in the mood to laugh, he knew how to get me in the mood. We were great friends during our time. So we were chatting and along the line, he suggested we meet, just to reminisce on old times, have a good laugh. And i was about to say yes when when common sense kicked in and i hesitated. No i didn’t just hesitate, i outrightly refused. We had been down that road before, soon after our breakup, we would meet a couple of times and i’ll start to have expectations and when he can’t live up to them, i’d get disappointed and soon after i’ll find myself back at ground zero.

I was considering opening up a new friendship with this person but was it really worth it? I decided it wasn’t. It was not that i still had feelings for him (i don’t) but simply because i had no need for him in my life at this point. (Happily building a budding relationship and don’t intend to let anything/anyone mess that up for me)

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So here are some advice that i gave to myself (and I’m now giving to you since you are reading this post)

TAKE YOUR TIME

You may think you are over him/her but feelings have a creepy way of crawling up and biting us in the ass. There is no rush, you both were into something and if it ends, what’s the hurry to go back. There is no stipulated time required, take as much time as you need and even more. If your friends or your mother or something deep down in you think it’s too soon to be back to talking with your ex, then it probably is. If you are searching for or trying to make up reasons to meet up, then it’s definitely too soon.

KNOW YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE

DO NOT call your ex when you are feeling down or having a monetarily jab at self pity. Do not call them when you need someone to pick you up from the airport or help you out with something. They are your ex for a reason, do not keep calling them to do stuffs for you or you might never move on. And most certainly do not call them when you are going through a rough patch. Who has heard that saying about how a shoulder to cry on suddenly becomes a…. I don’t need to complete this. If you know, you know.

BE HONEST ABOUT WHY YOU ARE MEETING

If you suddenly remembered your ex is owing you 15k and you decide you need the money urgently, it’s not urgent enough for a meeting. NEWSFLASH: We got internet banking. And if he/she left his or her favorite sweater with you, maybe you should just keep it as a souvenir better still dash/throw it out. Do not make up flimsy excuses to meet up. Be honest and upfront about why you want to meet up to yourself and then weight it to know if it’s really worth it and won’t cause any unforseen pain down the road.

SET BOUNDARIES ON WHAT TO TALK ABOUT

If you do decide to meet up after analyzing step 1-3 and you feel ready to meet, then good. The next thing to do is to set boundaries. Don’t go discussing all your passions and all the things you guys did when you were together, you are not together, remember that. Do not tell him/her about your latest catch or new relationship either. Frankly it’s none of their business. Am sure you wouldn’t want to hear about his/her own too. Unnecessary jealousy can prompt backlash and can easily turn to rage.

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Finally, if he was a bad boyfriend, then he’ll probably be a bad friend too. After all the hurt and anger has died, you’ll probably start to remember the good old days and all the fun and good memories, but maybe it should remain just that. Memories. While some people like to brag about been friends with their ex, it’s not necessarily a good thing, some exes are better left in the past!

And now, let’s talk about my outfit… Everybody knows yellow is my favorite color and when i wear yellow, i own it! Here are pictures from my look for the second day of eid.

I went to the movies with a friend (as opposed to meeting with an ex) and ate at a roadside joint (more on that soon) and basically just had good old Eid fun. My outfit is custom made, my mom got the material and my tailor sewed the pallazo trousers and free peplum top. I love the look so much, trust me when i say everyone was looking at me everywhere we went. My tailor is badass like that, hit me up if you are in abuja and in need of a tailor. Hope you enjoy the pictures.

PS: Biko can somebody suggest a good editing app for me that doesn’t reduce the quality of pictures? Oh and teach me how to use it too. This editing business is becoming a headache for me o.

Let’s interact…

How did you spend your Eid holiday? What more advice do you have when an ex wants to meet up?

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24 Comments

  • Reply Amina July 2, 2017 at 1:59 pm

    It was like this post was meant for me lol🙈 your writing is really comforting.

    • Reply Salmah July 2, 2017 at 2:28 pm

      Awww.thanks a lot amina. Stay strong dear

  • Reply daniella July 2, 2017 at 1:45 pm

    Okay this is a cool topic, very informative and helpful but can we just move focus to these bomb af pictures. How does one human being look so peng. Teach us your followers now, please Ejoor…… WHich ex won’t want to rekindle when you’re peppering like this.xx

    How To Respond To People’s Constant Questioning After A Break Up

    • Reply Salmah July 2, 2017 at 2:29 pm

      Awww..tnx so much lol. Danie.

  • Reply Miss B June 30, 2017 at 7:47 pm

    There is no point getting back to ur ex…jst more hurt..pls biko, I dunno wat is wrong with me, I keep vin crush, wen I clearly knw ntin wud work. I jst keep Like the wrong guys..salmah I ve a problem hw do I fix it..

  • Reply aminatawa June 30, 2017 at 12:33 pm

    Lucky for me I don’t have a lot exes because I know myself, once you are gone you are gone. We can never be friends. I don’t have time to waste time.
    Great post love.

  • Reply mtadese June 29, 2017 at 11:55 am

    Nice piece Salmah. For the editing app, you can try “photo editor collage maker” by lyrebird studio. Its a free and easy to use app on google playstore.

    • Reply Salmah June 29, 2017 at 12:17 pm

      Will definitely try it! Thanks swthrt

  • Reply Gracie June 29, 2017 at 10:50 am

    I couldn’t agree more. I dont have alot of exes but the few I have, I don’t keep in touch. No hard feelings just boy bye.

    I love your outfit and yes to your glow.
    PS: your bou bou o. Lmap

    • Reply Salmah June 29, 2017 at 11:11 am

      No hard feelings. Let’s just not be friends, i mean it doesn’t mke sense, if we couldn’t be lovers who said we would be any better as friends!

  • Reply Cynthia June 29, 2017 at 10:35 am

    Why even bother meeting your ex again after breakup? I never go back to my vomit, for one. He’s gone means just that; gone. Way better things for myself abeg.

    Meanwhile, I totally love the outfit and of course, you’re doing him fine with there pictures. Cheers!

    • Reply Salmah June 29, 2017 at 11:08 am

      Same thing i say, i wonder den why some people come and be bragging about how they are still friends with their ex. It’s so weird.. I mean even if we broke up amicably (if ders anything like dt!) we still can’t be friends..

  • Reply Debs June 29, 2017 at 10:30 am

    Awesome post. I’m of the team #dontbefriendwithyourex too. My chatted me up the other day and was like, “I guess I can see you when next I’m in the country.”

    My response was a smile emoticon. I just knew it was never going to happen. And whenever he ask question about my current relationship, I just go, “He’s an awesome human” and he never asks again.

    All these badass pictures. I’m looking for who will take me pictures too o, I’m in Abuja btw. For photo edit, I have heard about VSCO,Facetune, Snapseed and Canva. Although, I am yet to figure out how to use them perfectly, but I am still trying…

    • Reply Salmah June 29, 2017 at 11:10 am

      Debs tnk u. Always team #dontbefriendwithyourex. No you can’t see me. No we can’t hang or go to the movies. No. No. No.

      My dear, iv tried all this o.. I just don’t knw hw to use them

  • Reply Ivory's Lounge June 28, 2017 at 3:59 pm

    Nice post…those Ex that just spring up from no where just when u decide to be happy again. I vehemently said No too just few days back to an Ex. Boy bye.
    Lovely outfit btw tot it was a jumpsuit.

    • Reply Salmah June 28, 2017 at 4:03 pm

      You got it right girl. Boy bye long time

    • Reply Salmah June 28, 2017 at 4:09 pm

      No dear. It’s not a jumpsuit but the person i copied this style from had the jumpsuit version unfortunately i have a love hate relationship with jumpsuits so i just decided to make it seperates!

  • Reply Koko June 28, 2017 at 12:05 pm

    Hmmm.i really need advice here, my boyfriend still chats and calls his ex.like almst everyday. Infact i went through their chats today, they where discussing about their love life, that ge my ( bf) just needed a break from her.not that its over. Am just confused now.i know its not part of this topic

    • Reply Salmah June 28, 2017 at 12:29 pm

      Awww koko.. Am so sorry about that. Maybe we should talk more privately. Send me a msg

    • Reply Ivory's Lounge June 28, 2017 at 5:00 pm

      Maybe you should give him space to decide what he wants…tough decision but would be worth it. Stay strong girl

      • Reply Salmah June 28, 2017 at 4:02 pm

        Exactly my thoughts!

  • Reply Ash June 28, 2017 at 11:52 am

    Your editing is on point girl! Me I do t even bother editing again, it’s just headache. I love the post about getting back to friendship with exes and this couldn’t have come at a better time.
    Can you imagine in this week alone it’s like all my exes just ganged up together and decided to hit me up. I had to be smart and wise about telling them off and also the one I had the most love for is just there in the corner waiting, I even blocked him but he still found other means. Now I have to really use your advice to deal with the issues.

    Your pics are fire too, great smile and great outfit. Yellow does suit you.

    Ash | http://www.theashtreejournal.com

    • Reply Salmah June 28, 2017 at 12:27 pm

      Lol. Sent by the devil. Oll dos ones dt u will try to keep away and will refuse to stay away. May God hide us from them!
      And thanks love.

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