Alhamdullilah. Ramadan is gone and we can’t wait for next year. Now that am back from my self imposed holiday, we are ready to move on with impactful meaningful knowledge. So today i want us to talk about things to consider before you rekindle a friendship with your ex.
My ex started to chat me during this festive period, i knew he was missing me, and i was happy. Not happy because i wanted him back or happy that he was as miserable as he deserved without me. Just plain happy to be hearing from him. I missed him too. I missed his friendship, my ex was a fun guy, he lived an unabashedly wild life and told the most ridiculous stories. He always knew how to make me laugh or when i wasn’t in the mood to laugh, he knew how to get me in the mood. We were great friends during our time. So we were chatting and along the line, he suggested we meet, just to reminisce on old times, have a good laugh. And i was about to say yes when when common sense kicked in and i hesitated. No i didn’t just hesitate, i outrightly refused. We had been down that road before, soon after our breakup, we would meet a couple of times and i’ll start to have expectations and when he can’t live up to them, i’d get disappointed and soon after i’ll find myself back at ground zero.
I was considering opening up a new friendship with this person but was it really worth it? I decided it wasn’t. It was not that i still had feelings for him (i don’t) but simply because i had no need for him in my life at this point. (Happily building a budding relationship and don’t intend to let anything/anyone mess that up for me)
So here are some advice that i gave to myself (and I’m now giving to you since you are reading this post)
TAKE YOUR TIME
You may think you are over him/her but feelings have a creepy way of crawling up and biting us in the ass. There is no rush, you both were into something and if it ends, what’s the hurry to go back. There is no stipulated time required, take as much time as you need and even more. If your friends or your mother or something deep down in you think it’s too soon to be back to talking with your ex, then it probably is. If you are searching for or trying to make up reasons to meet up, then it’s definitely too soon.
KNOW YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE
DO NOT call your ex when you are feeling down or having a monetarily jab at self pity. Do not call them when you need someone to pick you up from the airport or help you out with something. They are your ex for a reason, do not keep calling them to do stuffs for you or you might never move on. And most certainly do not call them when you are going through a rough patch. Who has heard that saying about how a shoulder to cry on suddenly becomes a…. I don’t need to complete this. If you know, you know.
BE HONEST ABOUT WHY YOU ARE MEETING
If you suddenly remembered your ex is owing you 15k and you decide you need the money urgently, it’s not urgent enough for a meeting. NEWSFLASH: We got internet banking. And if he/she left his or her favorite sweater with you, maybe you should just keep it as a souvenir better still dash/throw it out. Do not make up flimsy excuses to meet up. Be honest and upfront about why you want to meet up to yourself and then weight it to know if it’s really worth it and won’t cause any unforseen pain down the road.
SET BOUNDARIES ON WHAT TO TALK ABOUT
If you do decide to meet up after analyzing step 1-3 and you feel ready to meet, then good. The next thing to do is to set boundaries. Don’t go discussing all your passions and all the things you guys did when you were together, you are not together, remember that. Do not tell him/her about your latest catch or new relationship either. Frankly it’s none of their business. Am sure you wouldn’t want to hear about his/her own too. Unnecessary jealousy can prompt backlash and can easily turn to rage.
Finally, if he was a bad boyfriend, then he’ll probably be a bad friend too. After all the hurt and anger has died, you’ll probably start to remember the good old days and all the fun and good memories, but maybe it should remain just that. Memories. While some people like to brag about been friends with their ex, it’s not necessarily a good thing, some exes are better left in the past!
And now, let’s talk about my outfit… Everybody knows yellow is my favorite color and when i wear yellow, i own it! Here are pictures from my look for the second day of eid.
I went to the movies with a friend (as opposed to meeting with an ex) and ate at a roadside joint (more on that soon) and basically just had good old Eid fun. My outfit is custom made, my mom got the material and my tailor sewed the pallazo trousers and free peplum top. I love the look so much, trust me when i say everyone was looking at me everywhere we went. My tailor is badass like that, hit me up if you are in abuja and in need of a tailor. Hope you enjoy the pictures.
PS: Biko can somebody suggest a good editing app for me that doesn’t reduce the quality of pictures? Oh and teach me how to use it too. This editing business is becoming a headache for me o.
How did you spend your Eid holiday? What more advice do you have when an ex wants to meet up?