Heartbroken! Heartbreaker, betrayal, fulfillment, bliss. Done it all and seen it all.

I started dating at a really young age, and ever since it’s just been a non stop roller coster of relationships for me. I’ve had my fair share of weird, amazing, cool, not so cool and downright awful relationship. The phases of my relationships included planning a life with someone, obsessing over exes, and even throwing myself into flirtationships where I became a boy-crazed mess. Eww! So at my very young age, I had already gone through so much.

I’ve learned a lot in these process but I decided it was time to learn about myself

And so after my last breakup, which ended on a pretty good ground (story for another day) I decided it was time to try this being single of a thing for a while, just so I could get to know myself better and ultimately become a better version of myself before diving back into the relationship pool.

It isn’t easy but I can say it’s definitely worth it. I learned so much and I couldn’t be prouder.

I mastered the art of loving myself: Guys come and go but you stay. Love yourself. Love your body and love your mind, it’s yours, if you don’t love it, why should anyone else? Being single actually upped my confidence, I started to love the things I used to be so worried about. With no one to consider, or be worried about what they would think it became clear real quick how amazing I truly am.

I learned the joy of freedom: Oh, freedom! The sweet song she sang. I cannot over emphasize the joy of not being accountable to anyone but yourself. I could post whatever I liked and eat and go out and sleep whenever I liked without having to explain myself or my process to another human being. When you have only yourself to hold you back? You really and truly learn about YOUR boundaries and limitations.


It’s okay to get a little bit lonely: It’s going to get lonely, lots of times. And that’s okay. You will think about an ex or what could have been, that’s okay too. Just remember not to edit out the sad or bad parts. Because if it didn’t work out, it didn’t work out for a reason. I was able to wean myself of the dreadful cycle of dependency and learned to enjoy my alone time, alone.

I learned to say No: Saying yes is great, but saying no is even better. I used to be such a yes man but being alone taught me a few things about boundaries and choosing myself. When I wasn’t comfortable with something, I said no. When I didn’t want to do something, I said no. It didn’t matter who or what, I learned to choose myself over and over and that is such bliss.

I discovered clarity: I may not know everything I want in a relationship right now, but I know all the things I do not want. Being single helped me really understand what it was that truly mattered to me and so it became impossible for me to settle. I know what I want and don’t intend to settle for anything else.

Even though I can’t truly say my days of making questionable dating decisions are over, I can say this much, I have realized how important it is to have a strong relationship with yourself first before bringing anyone else into the picture. And also rejecting the culture of entitlement in relationships. So when it doesn’t work out, I will be just fine. And when it does, well then, we’ll go one to make amazing and questionable decisions together.

That’s it guys! Share something you have learned being single or being in a relationship with me below!


  • Reply SALMAH IS BACK TO BLOGGING - DEAR SALMAH April 30, 2020 at 5:54 am

    […] men_some I liked a lot and others I didn’t particularly fancy_ and still somehow remained single. I’ve worked on numerous projects with amazing brands that I’m really proud […]

  • Reply D_analyzt April 21, 2019 at 11:07 am

    Thanks for sharing . I’m dating but I want to be single lol . I want to enjoy the freedom. Do things myself . go through life alone. I just feel stuck and unable to explore to my edges and explode.. I just discovered your blog and I’m glad I did

  • Reply Desire Uba January 22, 2019 at 7:58 am

    This is such a reflective post. I’m currently single and sometimes it’s great but other times, it isn’t. I went through what I call a horrible breakup because I didn’t see it coming (and it happened on my birthday 😢) and even though I haven’t gotten over him, words like this remind me that it’s best that he left.
    Thank you for sharing Salmah!

  • Reply Aisha January 20, 2019 at 8:41 pm

    Since I started dating, I haven’t actually had to be single for over a month before getting to be with someone else. All I remember from being single is to search and search. No regrets whatsoever but a lot of issues would have been avoided if I’d just settled down for some me time. It’s all part of it I guess, the good and the bad. Alhamdulillah

    • Reply Salmah January 20, 2019 at 8:48 pm

      Yes! No regrets, I always say that and Alhamdullilah. All that really matters is that you are happy and not let yourself get lost in the shadow of another person!

  • Reply Bolaji AbdulQuadri January 18, 2019 at 11:50 am

    Wow.. Being single is actually awesome but at some time you got tired of. I have been single for about a year till now.
    I have learned alot like knowing myself better, valuing my time, peace of mind more importantly I save some cash😀😀

  • Reply Olamide January 18, 2019 at 7:13 am

    Been single is a great way to know and love your self, i have always wondered why people act like being single is the end of the world. I’ve been single in my life a lot of times, and even know I enjoy the feeling and company not being single provides. I remember the calm and peace been single was and sometimes I miss it to be very honest, especially the freedom to do what ever you want without explanation. It truly is bliss.
    This was a beautiful post.

  • Reply Damarion January 17, 2019 at 7:52 pm

    Just what I needed to read this evening! Great post, cheers to the single life and enjoy it while it lasts.

  • Reply Zahraa January 17, 2019 at 2:51 pm

    Salma you always just get me with your posts. This year, all I have decided to dedicate myself to is gaining clarity and I’m determined to do that with or without someone. Anyone that’s not on my train, is on his own and anyone that tries to slow my train down would be pushed out. Period.

    • Reply Salmah January 17, 2019 at 7:51 pm

      Thanks for reading zahra, you are absolutely right! It’s a year to dedicate to oneself!

  • Reply Hameedah January 17, 2019 at 2:01 pm

    I was also single for about a year before I started seeing someone and asides all that I learnt, it just really gave me peace of mind not having to be bothered by anyone. What it mostly did for me was help me identify what I wanted when I saw it and that I’m most grateful for.

    • Reply Salmah January 17, 2019 at 2:13 pm

      Exactly how I feel! I honestly feel new and refreshed and it’s such a wonderful feeling to finally be able to know yourself enough to let someone in!

  • Reply LailahMoon January 17, 2019 at 1:33 pm

    I was just writing about heart breaks and what we go through and boom your post. The best form of love is self love . It’s good to take a break once a while . I love this piece ♥️

    • Reply Salmah January 17, 2019 at 2:11 pm

      Thank you Laila! Can’t wait to read yours and yes, the best form of love is most definitely self love.

  • Reply Debs January 17, 2019 at 11:54 am

    Mehn, you got me reflecting for a moment there, Salmah. Truth is I haven’t been single in a very long time but I have had heart rendering relationships, rebound and good relationship, lols. It’s just been a lot of learning and unlearning for me.

    An truly, I can say in the midst of it all, I have come to learn a whole lot about myself and that a good relationship take the effort of two to make it work.

    This is a great reflective post and thanks for sharing. And I saw the linkback too, thanks b.

    • Reply Salmah January 17, 2019 at 12:00 pm

      Glad it was helpful. And I gotcha bae. Thanks for reading

  • Reply Margarita Asuku January 17, 2019 at 11:41 am

    This got me thinking about my life real hard! Time to reevaluate. Thank you.

    • Reply Salmah January 17, 2019 at 11:42 am

      Thank you for reading!

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